Sorry I Failed to Give You A Complete Family

February 10, 2015 Diary

"Sorry I failed to give you a complete family". I heard it from both my mom and dad, from time to time.

Every time I go back China, I'm actually scared in some level to spend nights with either of them. I could sense it, "Oh my god he/she is gonna bring that again...", then we all drowned in the emotional flood.

Although I do refer to them as a convenient "excuse"(joke) for my inappropriate behavior or inability of communication, in my heart I never ever blame them for anything. But as parents with good will and intention, I guess they may never forgive themselves, I don't like to see that kind of face...

Writing these because I had a dream this morning, for the 30 years in my life it is the first time to have such a dream seeing them being together, happy, smiling, doing things together, worrying about my marriage(this part is so real hah), I just can't forget that warm feeling. If one day human technology is developed enough to make a machine that could control your dream, I might surrender to that.

Phew, what an emotional morning! And I won't surrender! I was just being weak for now. And no such thing as a "functional family" so take it easy :)


Qihuan Piao

Qihuan Piao

Qihuan Piao(aka kinopyo) is Chinese based in Tokyo, Japan. Fulltime fullstack software writer using Rails. He shares coding tips, personal failures and random success in this blog. His infamous line - "I feel calm when I kill those monsters, or people (in game)" shocks his friends deeply.