Sorry I Failed to Give You A Complete Family

"Sorry I failed to give you a complete family". I heard it from both my mom and dad, from time to time.

Every time I go back China, I'm actually scared in some level to spend nights with either of them. I could sense it, "Oh my god he/she is gonna bring that again...", then we all drowned in the emotional flood.

Although I do refer to them as a convenient "excuse"(joke) for my inappropriate behavior or inability of communication, in my heart I never ever blame them for anything. But as parents with good will and intention, I guess they may never forgive themselves, I don't like to see that kind of face...

Writing these because I had a dream this morning, for the 30 years in my life it is the first time to have such a dream seeing them being together, happy, smiling, doing things together, worrying about my marriage(this part is so real hah), I just can't forget that warm feeling. If one day human technology is developed enough to make a machine that could control your dream, I might surrender to that.

Phew, what an emotional morning! And I won't surrender! I was just being weak for now. And no such thing as a "functional family" so take it easy :)