Why I'm Not Motivated?

These days work is extremly boring.

Before our team had dark era, after that it seemed going well for a moment but I'm not sure what specific things caused this feeling again.

I sit down and tried to think logically to find out the reason, why I'm not motivated, why I feel boring, why I get so tired everyday? Is it related to my personal life? Or is it because I'm already in the holiday mood? Is it because the evaluation? I kept asking myself questions to break down the negtive feelings into separate parts so that I can find each solution. But I couldn't make it, I found myself hard to stay rational, because the more I asked myself, the more cleary I can see the answer.

The answer is simple, I don't believe the guy. I don't believe we're gonna make it, to be specifically, his goal, his ambition, judging by the way how we worked. I don't know every detail stories about it, but I think I've made the judgement subconsiously. My friend mentioned the same thing at yesterday's lunch, totally different story but I think it inspired me somehow, "I've made the judgement". The feeling from subconsious is hard to deal with, hard to change, it's based on the self expierences and observations in quite a log time.

The project itself of course has potential, I never doubt that. I'm not saying he is a bad person neither. And I absolutely have resoponsibilities, how I participated the project, how I interacted with the team, etc. It just he as a leader, I've found myself hard to follow him.

December 12, 2012 Diary


Qihuan Piao

Qihuan Piao

(aka kinopyo) is Chinese based in Tokyo. Software writer. He shares stories inspired him this blog. His infamous line - "I feel calm when I kill those monsters, or people (in game)" shocks his friends deeply.
He also writes in Japanese and Chinese.